Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Come on Hamburg, hold it in.

It's been a week.  At first it was funny and made me giggle boyishly. Now, it's annoying. And gross. 

What am I talking about? What have I encountered on a daily basis for a week straight?

The shameless relief of human waste in public.  

It started with a three year-old having mom help her pop a squat and pinch a mini-loaf.  Pretty funny stuff.  Something about a little girl in a daisy flower sun dress defiling a sidewalk is hilarious.  Such a sweet soul performing a hideous act.

Same sidewalk, next day.  A man pulls it out in front of me as I'm walking by.  Nonchalant, as if grabbing for change to buy a snack at a Kiosk.  Boom, out in the open. Spread the legs and make it rain.  No big deal.  To him, I didn't even exist.  I'm sure my eyes were big with shock. I could have danced in a Napolese tribe dress and he wouldn't have noticed. All he was focused on was relief. Right here, right now.

Different place, next day.  As I walked down my favorite alleyway with an old and abandoned caged-in court for kids to play soccer in on the right, I noticed something.  A flash of faded pink granny panties made their way up. But to where? All I could see was the cotton moving upwards, then I saw who it belonged to.  She was easily in her mid-fifties and dressed in soiled flannel as she pulled up her tarnished khakis.  Her hair had thinned out into clumps of silvery strands with a pink blotchy scalp peeking through. Here eyes were sunken in deeply, she didn't have teeth and her abundance of wrinkles combined with her oddly long neck made her look like a turtle.  A guilty turtle. She knew what she did. I made direct eye contact and shook my head.  

She stood above her puddle of relief and held the stare of shame. 

How hard is it to find a toilet? There's outhouses all over but people love to whip it out and let it all out.

Come on Hamburg, hold it in.


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