When I asked the Czechloslovokian whore for directions,

She must've assumed I wanted sex because she responded quickly and positively.  Once she figured out Brian, my cohort in traveling Europe, and I were lost and weren't looking for sex, she told us to Fich off.

Nice, she told us to fich off, not fuck off.  She must have thought we were German, not American. 

So there we were, lost in Prague without a clue as to how to get back in the direction opposite our forty minute bus ride.  We walked around and saw the coked out whores of Prague, the slums of the outlying projects, and basically everything else we didn't come here to see.

On the plus side, there weren't any tourists within eyesight. On the not so plus side, we were about to get stabbed and bleed out in the slums of Czechoslovakia. After an hour of wandering about and asking whore after whore for directions but getting only a cocked eyebrow from one as she asked "Do you both?" as she slowly unzipped her fanny pack to expose a multitude of condoms. Cheap, expired looking condoms.


"No thanks, we want to go to Prague." -Brian
"Fich off." -Czechoslovakian Prostitute.


I didn't take pictures because I didn't want to die. Sorry, use your imagination and pretend you're in a cobble stone ghetto. In your sandals, shorts, and rain jacket at 2 in the morning local time.

As it turns out, we went the wrong way. Big surprise.  We found a sweet woman who took pity on us and steered us in the right direction.  Fast forward an hour and we're in a tavern being served on by the rudest waitress in all of Prague.  Her blue eyes were venomous and I'm pretty sure her tongue was forked. But, the beer was fifty cents a litre so we put up with it and gave her a five cent tip, which she loved us for. 

I guess waiters and waitresses never get tips out there, big surprise.

So there you have it, the story of how Brian and I spent most of our first night in the slums Prague talking to whores and trying to get directions.  Next up is the story of how my foot got aids in Prague when my sandal broke and we still had a three mile walk ahead of us.

Stay tuned.