Monday, February 15, 2010

Misery loves company.

I have to admit, I hate Valentine's Day. It's a God awful excuse for people to throw money down to be romantic because it's the thing to do.  WHy can't we be romantic whenever we want and why do we make a day of celebrating love when so many of us are single and miserable? Okay, not miserable, but single.  You try being single on Valentine's Day and not feeling a slight sting of misery. 

Turns out, misery loves company.  2,000 San Franciscans proved this by showing up at Market & Embarcadero to stage the biggest pillow fight the West Coast has ever seen. 



It was a blast. I showed up without a pillow at 6:10pm. The fight had started ten minutes ago and had become a chaotic blur of white pillows with a flurry of white feathers floating gently over the thousands bitter pillow fighters.  I jumped into the crowd without a pillow and ready for a few good blows.  After a few minutes and a couple dozen smacks, someone gave me their extra pillow and it was on. 





You could feel it in the crowd with every smack, we were taking out our frustrations of love, life, work, or wherever they were rooted. A half hour later we're all exhausted but still swinging.  Ten mintues after this, I'm good.  

As we headed onto the second part of the night, more and more pillow fighters were arriving for their fashionably late entrance.  Tons more.  I'm guessing the fight went on for a few hours with all the white pillows we saw heading towards the frenzy as we walked away.

This was the best part of my day, my next post is going to talk about the worst part. Spoiler alert: it involves showing up for an underwear party that didn't exist. 

You're sitting where a man had his last drink.



Was what a man with long black hair told me after I walked into a bar called Dirty Thieves, sat down, and ordered a drink.

The man's name was, crap I forgot, and he was a professional Tango dancer who loved to share a good story. Here's the story he told me.

Back when Hell's Angels ruled San Francisco, this was their hang out.  Harley's were parked down the entire street for a block.  Everyone knew better than to fuck with 'em ya know? This was their place and no-one could take it from 'em.  Well, when you say you're the king, you get a war.

The Mongols were a rival biker gang.  One day, the leader of The Mongols walked in here, sat his ass down right where you're sitting now, and ordered a beer.  He got one sip in before a fist found his face.  His ass got the piss pounded out of it by Hell's Angels. But they weren't done.

They dragged him outside, bloody mess he was, and took him a block away where everyone in the bar heard two gunshots.  Three men left, two came back and kept drinking on the missing man's tab.

This is the bar. This is Dirty Thieves.

It started with a backstage pass

My curly-haired friend Kevin (Think Vince from Entourage) gave me a heads up on a show. The Antlers were playing with another band, The Editors.  I'm embarrassed to admit, but two weeks ago I had no idea who The Editors were.

Next thing I know, I'm immersed into an emotionally charged crowd of people swaying back and forth in a silent trance.  As we got closer to the stage, it felt more like a seance than a live show.

The Antlers were playing "Kettering" when we arrived. It's my favorite song and pulled us in like a tractor beam.  We weren't up next to the stage, but in the outskirts of the hot sweaty mass of 400 people.

Tiny venue, but I loved the setting: a converted opera house with ceilings decorated in an art nouveau fashion.  Gold plated awnings shined in the multicolored stage lights.

The Antlers owned the stage.  Lead singer Peter Silberman opened up his veins and bled through the microphone. We soaked up every heart-wrenched drop like ravished vampires. It was less of a show,  more of a feeding.

Their set went on for another half-hour. Everyone wanted them to keep playing, but they bid San Francisco goodnight and exited.

Lights went on and roadies came out. The Antler's rig was dismantled and carried out through double doors opening into the city.  We met up with the rest of Kevin's crew and discussed life in Oakland compared to The Mission in the heart of San Francisco. Conclusion, I love living in San Francisco.

The room grew dark and was filed with ambient sounds of electronic sound effects. The Editors were ready to paint the room with their English charm.  They stole the stage and never gave it back.  It sounds cheesy, sure, but it felt this dramatic.  Plus, the haze of pine scented smoke made everything feel a bit more magical than it was.  I was there, but I did not inhale.


An End Has A Start was their closing song, everyone knew it when they came back on the stage after the crowd cheered for an encore for fifteen minutes. Straight. "You came on your own, that's how you'll leave" was repeated by lead singer Tom Smith until it became a chant. It grew louder and more impactful with every repetition until drummer Ed Lay ended the set with the crash of his high hat. They walked off the stage of a darkened room full of cheers and screams of "I love you" from men and women.  Only in San Francisco.

As everyone exited, our crowd headed for the front, to the left,  and down a spiraling metal stair case. We were in the backstage room for the after party!  Everyone was chilled out and relaxed.  It was a room full of strangers awaiting the company of rock stars. Pretty awkward feeling actually. If I ever became a lemming I'd imagine this is the general feeling of their life.  Our leaders emerged with coolers of beer and bottles of wine.  The party was on.

Since I didn't know The Editors music very well, I wasn't as awestruck as the rest of the group.  It was a bit sickening to see starry-eyed devotees hang on Tom's every word and over-laugh at his every word.

This is why I didn't take pictures, it looked as cliche as it felt when The Editors said "piss off" through their smiles for the cameras of every outstretched enthusiast's arm begging to get a picture.  Instead, I sipped my PBR like the hipster I was and watched the show unfold itself.

Fast forward an hour and we're hitting the streets of Chicago. Me, Kevin, his friend Becca, and The Editors' drummer Ed Lay, singer Tom Smith, and guitarist Chris Urbanowicz.  The first bar was a bust. It was twice as long as it was wide, and abandoned except for a few disgruntled Santa looking fellows who wandered outside the North Pole and got lost.  Onto bar number two, minus Chris who found himself wrapped up in a conversation about whether or not a hawk could overtake an armadillo. Okay, I don't know what they were talking about, but let's pretend it was that.

Bar number two was a success. So much in fact that it ended with lead Singer Tom Smith serenading us as he sang along to slow jams through a microphone the bar tender was happy to provide. Great time. I spent most of it talking with Chris when he showed up an hour after the rest of us.  We talked about the Antlers and where you find inspiration.  Plus, the beauty of a foreign accent. For him, America was his promise land. For me, it's Austria.  Sidebar: Chris was jealous of my story about stumbling into a riot in Germany. One point for Matt.

The night wrapped up around 4a.m. with the bar staying open late because, come on, everyone loves a rock star. What a great night.  Thank you Kevin for letting me be a part of a great time.

Lesson of the day: when someone asks if you want to go see The Editors, say yes.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

War. On Drugs.

Read all about it.

http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/desidero/2009/12/heart-of-darkness-in-afghanist.php


http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/desidero/2009/12/heart-of-darkness-in-afghanist.php

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

l'd like a metal pole please

What can't you find in San Francisco? Nothing.

For a campaign, I needed a seven foot tall pole. Alright, I'm not going to run to the nearest home depot. I'm sticking to my hood because I know I can find whatever I need here in the Mission.

Sure enough, a "Julio's Hardware" appeared after a few blocks of wandering with open eyes.  The place was started before San Francisco existed. It was cluttered like an agoraphobe's basement moments before they pass on.  The entrance was a tunnel carved out between aged boxes and tools piled atop each other.  Anything made of metal involving a functional purpose in the nature of handymannesss was buried within this 200 x 12 foot cove.

The owner was fast approaching a century of existence but had a grip like a vice clamp. "Whatcha need son?"

Ten minutes later and I leave with a seven foot tall galvanized aluminum pole. Awesome.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Death Cock

Death Metal Rooster

Sunday, January 3, 2010

I walked through a yearbook and all I got

was a cigarette scented outfit. Thanks Wausau. The one night I go out, it has to be an informal class reunion full of people I forgot but now am forced to remember. Sure, there's a few exceptions, but the scene as a whole is a nightmare of "how's it goin guy?" and "so whatcha been up to eh?".


And thanks for the awkward stares of how-do-we-know-each-other-and-why-are-we-here mixed with forced catch up talk in the form of checklists.  What are you doing? Where do you live? Who do you hang out with?


Here's where it's fun to liven things up with some tasty bullshit. I love telling the story of being a dogsled racer in Winnipeg.



Distinct detail about your perpetuated career is the key to convincing even the most skeptical of people. My bevy of details were tightly wound up into a lecture on finding the alpha dog and making sure he's in the front of the dogsled pack. If the alpha male doesn't lead, no dog is going to follow.


Why did I lie to people who want to know what I'm doing with my life? Because it's all bull shit. No-one really wants to know what you're doing with your life. They want to know how you're doing with your life and whether they match up or not.


No, I won't play this game of conversational masturbation. I'll sit here in my bright purple "FU" shirt and let you assume what you will.

So why go to the bar? Because, I want everyone to know how well I'm doing.
Dammit.